Wednesday, 9 October 2013

Swear I don't always write scathing reviews.

United Airlines.  What a joke.  What a plentiful source of hilarity.  Fly United if you want a good belly laugh.  And if you’re willing to have that laugh at yourself, and at the abundance of total incompetence you’ve landed yourself in.  To be honest you can at least be grateful you’ve landed somewhere.  And even more grateful if your luggage has landed with you.

I am writing this whilst sat in stunning Hawaii, wearing a bikini bought from Walmart, courtesy (we hope) of United.  This is the result of our fourth unsuccessful flight in four days.  We began our saga with United upon leaving London almost an hour late; after a smooth journey we arrived to Newark with a race against time to collect our bags and check in to our connecting flight.  We were met at the desk by a man who remarked, ‘well miracles can happen’.  Optimism or sarcasm?  Well I can tell you that when travelling with United a huge dose of both is highly recommended.  Next was security where we were escorted through by a man who hit a child.  A slight exaggeration perhaps for him knocking their arm out of the pathway accompanied by a sharp scolding, but he was a rude man nonetheless.

We made the flight! Hurrah!  After legging it to the gate and undergoing the embarrassing walk down the plane as those annoying passengers that everyone is waiting for, we were on board.  But was our luggage?  United staff had reassured us that if we got on the plane so too would our bags; we had a sneaky suspicion that this was a lie, but we kept faith until arriving in Las Vegas.  It was like a fun game watching that carousel, some extra entertainment laid on by United (or perhaps compensation for one of our television screens failing to work throughout the journey?).  Will our bags arrive or won’t they?  Place your bets now.  They didn’t appear.  Shock horror.  We were sent off to our hotel with a toiletries bag each, so we at least had minty fresh breath upon waking in the morning while a less than agreeable fragrance exuded from everywhere else as a result of sleeping in the same clothes we’d been travelling in.  Thankfully by this time our bags had been delivered to the hotel so we weren’t nasally offensive for much longer.

Two days later we trustfully handed ourselves and our belongings over to United again.  But much later than planned.  Two and a half hours later to be exact.  Our flight was delayed due to weather conditions, but once again we had a connecting flight.  The United lady at the gate said that the journey was only forty minutes so there was a chance we would make the connection to Kona, Hawaii.  It was the only one to our destination that day so she kept us booked on, but also provisionally booked us on to an alternative flight to Hilo, still on the same Hawaiian island, but a two hour drive from our hotel.  Once we had boarded the plane, the attendant explained how the total time would be approximately seventy five minutes, with forty in the air plus taxi time either side.  So we were doomed from the outset; we wouldn’t catch the next aeroplane the United staff had so tantalisingly given us hope for.  This same representative had also sorted out indoor transport to drive us from one gate to the next as some extra help.  Fantastic news.  So we shot off at the other end, even though we had missed our connection it was still going to be tight reaching the alternative.  There was no buggy in sight; but we knew United by then, we hadn’t really expected one, don’t be silly!  Panting, we reached the gate in time.  Yippee!  …To find that they had no idea who we were or that we had seats provisionally reserved.  Brilliant.  Luckily we were eventually allowed to board, with the forewarning that our bags definitely wouldn’t be accompanying us.  At least they had the decency to let us know in advance, saved the torture of the carousel game.

We touched down in Hawaii.  Without luggage, and two hours from where we needed to be with no idea how to get there, but United had at least dropped us on the correct island.  Which is more than they managed to do for one of our bags, but that’s a later story…  It must be pointed out that the United representatives at Hilo airport were absolutely wonderful.  They called a taxi for us and charged the fee to United Las Vegas (where the problems had originated).  They provided us with a rather luxurious toiletries collection this time (including laundry grains, how swish) and they even packed us a goody bag each from their staff room supplies!  It was here that we found out about the $25 allowance each for shopping to use whilst waiting on our luggage.  It is slightly concerning that we had to buy it ourselves and then submit a receipt to united.com, but we can hope.  This seems to happen a lot in fact; too many times we have been pointed to united.com, it appears that issues cannot be rectified when you’re standing there in person with an actual human from United one can interact with, they instead insist upon customers typing complaints into cyberspace to await an automated response.

At last we arrived at the hotel, and clambered into bed sporting new Walmart pyjamas, bellies satisfied after a lovely evening meal…oh wait, United made us miss that.  Correction, bellies full with rice krispies squares and crisps from the airport staff.  The following morning, one of our party went to the airport to enquire as to the whereabouts of our bags, due to the fact that we had been unable to get any further information over the phone or through the online tracker.  He was appalled to find a woman stowing our bags away into storage, as she had been given no instruction on what to do with them.  So he returned to the hotel with all the bags, apart from his.  Which had been sent to another island.  Surely it is harder to separate the bags than send them off together???!!  The incompetence is simply unbelievable.

We have been compensated at least.  With vouchers for United. 

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